I am. I am guilty. We don’t use the word anymore, do we? The only time that we hear the word guilty is when it’s applied to someone who’s committed a crime. Nevertheless, I will use the word guilty because it applies to me.
I am guilty of having a genetic disease. I carry a debilitating, muscle-wasting criminal in my DNA. The sentence handed down? The rest of my life spent in prison – barred without walls. The worst part? This genetic-code criminal is capable of dwelling in my child’s DNA.
How many people with genetic diseases feel guilty, I wonder? Who do we tell? We know that we can’t apply social justice standards. No crime committed. Still, we feel responsible.
For what you might ask? For the extra load that our partner has to carry, for not being able to participate fully in the lives of our loved ones, or for having to excuse ourselves from functions, for a myriad of reasons. Still, others may feel, as I do, responsible for our genetic makeup. What can we do?
Pardon ourselves.
The rePurposed Life 
The internal struggle is real. It can be ignored but that doesn’t make it go away. Rose, I’ve been mulling over the idea that suffering brings with it a sense of honesty. Suffering makes us ‘bump up against’ our limits. Suffering makes us ‘bump up against’ a reality that we need to embrace. Doesn’t mean the answers are forthcoming.
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Suffering does (hopefully) clarify our beliefs. I like the way you put it: suffering makes us bump up against our reality. And, the answers are still evasive – for we see through a glass darkly. Thank you, as always, for your thoughtful contribution.
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Your words provided some answers to questions I wish never had to be asked. I feel like I should respond with something as powerful as you’ve published here, but I come up empty. Your post is very brave.
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Thank you. You did come up with something powerful.
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Such a moving piece, Rose. You are so eloquent.x
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😘
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wow
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Thank you.
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This is so true, thank you for posting this…
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Thank you for not only taking the time to read this but for commenting, also.
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Exactly…”Pardon ourselves”.
I suppose the same (sort of) applies to those of us who are incapacitated through non-genetic illnesses too…I often feel like a burden and hate myself for what I can no longer do.
Love and hugs to you Rose.
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Yes. We carry a guilt for that which we have no control We are already “sentenced” to a difficult life. Yet, we increase our burden by taking on an additional responsibility.
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At times feeling guilty could be a way to try share burdens. But I think it is such an overloaded word in your case. Wishing you the best and thanks for this reading.
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You bring up an interesting concept which I had not considered before. Thank you.
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