View from a Wheelchair: Expectations

Michigan-Landscape-Color-Circle

Imagine you are in a Disney film. As you raise your head, you discover your arms are shackled to a prison wall. The ray of thin, blue light filtering in from the barred window reveals a bleak room. In anger, you scream at the shadows about injustice. This is not how you expected your life would be. Somehow, something went awry. Maybe, you are living with a chronic illness, or you are taking care of someone who is disabled, or you lost a loved one too soon.

“Life is unfair,” you whimper.  “God, why me?”

Rather than continuing your rant, you change your stance. As you slowly let go of your anger and frustration, tiny rays of beautiful light start to emanate from you. The more you surrender, the stronger the light and the bigger the rays. Eventually, the rays are so abundant that they form a bubble of intense beauty. To your surprise, you are no longer shackled and the bubble envelopes you.

When you open the door to your prison, you discover a dark world that is being transformed into a beautiful and colorful world with the passing of your bubble. Continuing along, you encounter people. Some of them need help; others have hurt you and need forgiveness. As you attend to them, your bubble grows larger. Now, they and their surroundings are part of your bubble. All around you, the world is a better place because of your bubble of acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

I know the above scenario is a little too much, but the hope that we can help ourselves and others is my dream. Of course, I fail to keep my emotions in check at all times; however, I do want to make every effort to add to my faith. Letting go of all the disappointments and hurt feelings is a priority. It is a constant battle for it seems as if we prefer to harbor perceived offenses. Somehow, we have to change our mindset and realize that feelings are just feelings. And, you have some say in what you do with those feelings.

You might have heard me say this before, but I say it again, you are in control of your reality; you can decide what feelings you will attach to any circumstance. It will not be easy, but it is possible. Start small. Think of a situation in which you were less than happy. Now, examine the feeling and identify the feeling, the emotion, and the cause. You might find that the reason relates to a past disappointment. Maybe the cause is an emotionally charged, historical trauma. As you discover the root of the emotion, you will have the opportunity to spend time resolving the feelings.

Another technique that my husband uses all the time is to ask yourself what matters to you. Do you love the person who has hurt you? If so, then choosing to love them at that moment will diffuse the situation for you. If it is someone who always seems to irritate you, ask yourself what is the real cause of the irritation. Again, the source might be a historical catalyst.

Many times, the problem stems from unrealized expectations. What you thought would happen did not occur. I believe that this is a significant reason for conflict between people.  Hopes are dashed, and feelings get hurt. As our emotions kick in, chemicals are released into our bloodstream, and we react rather than respond.

It might seem silly to you, all this talk about finding ways to forgive and the bubble of hope, healing, and delight that will be the result. All I know is that as I spend time looking at myself and finding the cause of my feelings, I can forgive. I have a long way to go. Some people were evil enemies in my life, but I am determined to find a way to love and forgive them. I do not want to be a hater. I choose not to spew more disgusting wickedness into the world with negative attitudes.

The world is turning and twisting in a whirlwind of violence, hate, and selfishness. Minds and hearts are lost in darkness. Those of us who can see the shadows have the discretion to make a difference. Every one of us lives in a bubble of our making. We can live in a bubble of hope or despair. My choice: finding a way to add to my faith goodness, neighborly love, and agape love (sacrificial love) is a worthwhile activity.

My expectation? To possess faith, have hope, and enjoy life with others in a colorful bubble.

 

Published by

Rose Wolfe (Living Free with disAbilities)

Let's get to the elephant first: I have myotonic dystrophy which defines my physical limitations, but it does not define me. Without the distraction of physical activities, I have found my passions: (1) Encouraging others to live more fully with fun, faith, and hope; (2) finding freedom in oil painting; (3) writing about my experiences; and (4) encouraging others to live more passionately. It is my belief that every person lives with at least one disability - for impairments are not limited to those with chronic illnesses. Many neurotypical people are psychological architects who have constructed enclosures in which they trap themselves. Mindsets, attitudes, and perceptions are fluid realities. Many of us have forgotten that it is possible how to live beyond our disabilities. Life may have challenges but faith and hope are within reach. I have made my choice: I am LivingFreeWithdisAbilities.

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