The sand at my feet haunts me with memories:
Me, as a child, playing at the beach; Me, with my child, playing at the lake.
My heart beckons me, and I respond, “Yes, yes, I will find new ways to have fun.”
So, now, I dig deep into my soul. Pouring out my pain. Fun can be, is redefined. Laughter bursts. I find joy in watching others play in the sand and water.
The rePurposed Life
When I started writing this blog in February, I wanted to engage the topic of living outside of our disAbilities. After all, everyone struggles with a disability and not all struggles can be neatly categorized (nor acknowledged by the afflicted).
My disAbility is obvious. Your eyes rivet to my rolling chair as I enter the room. The first seconds of meeting, we negotiate a social awkwardness. Eventually, I come up with a lighthearted quip, hoping to put everyone at ease. With children, it is different. They stare at me until their parent becomes uncomfortable. I don’t mind their straightforwardness. They are real and honest with curiosity. As our eyes meet, I smile and try to elicit a response. It allows me to engage with them about their unanswered questions.
Anyway, because I have failed and succeeded in my new role as a physically disabled person, I thought my focus would be on encouraging anyone who is struggling. My mistake was focusing on “disabilities.”
My life is not about my physical and mental limitations. It is about finding a rePurposed Life. Moving forward from a scared child to a petulant youth. . .until, finally, an earnest adult. But my disease changed me further. It was another twist in the narrative of my life’s story – a page turner.
Because of (and in spite of) muscular dystrophy, I reexamined my life again. I found it wanting – lacking vision. What did I desire? Over and over, I asked myself to define my purpose. The answer exploded in my heart as I watched one, two, three, four, five people die. What legacy did they leave? What legacy did I want to leave? To love others (family, friends, neighbors, enemies) and to encourage them.
Yes. It was time to take the focus off of me, the petulant youth who never grew up. I want a life that has meaning – with God centered.
No preaching. No condemnation here. Just honest conversations about how we think and what we do.
So, I am thinking about renaming my blog from Living Free with Disabilities to The reRepurposed Life. (The url will remain http://livingfreewithdisAbilities.com.) What do you think?