It Takes Courage to Hope

 

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Oil Painting by Rose Wolfe

 

 

It Takes Courage to Hope

Recently, I read Jasper Hoogendam’s blog post Two ABI’s Went Cycling.  Now, you may be thinking that this story was about high adventures experienced along the way, but it wasn’t.  There was no agony nor defeat. There was no moment of epiphany.  Rather, it was an articulate accounting of the small miracles of hope and happiness when Jasper and his friend (both of whom have Acquired Brain Injuries) made the courageous decision to go for a bike ride.

Early on in his re-telling of the day, Jasper makes the following observation: “Being ABI’s our 15 kilometer event needed some careful advanced planning.  I just can’t decide to bike 20 or 50 kilometers on a whim as I did pre-ABI.”  In the end, the day turned out to be a success, and he found that as he took care of his friend along the way, he was taking care of himself in the process.

This is a heart-warming story of kindness and friendship, and an ableist might put their computer down with a smile and think about it no further. At first glance, Jasper’s story is straightforward and on point; however, on second reading, you will discover he exposed the underbelly of all of us who live on the fringe of the neurotypical world.

In fact, he put the heart-rending, courage-taking in bold type:  “I just can’t decide to. . .on a whim as I did pre-.”  Those days of “pre” exist outside of the disAbled’s arsenal of options – for our lives are filled with careful planning. And, even then, we often do not get all contingencies covered.  For example, one summer day, I encountered a woman and her husband in a parking lot just outside an art fair.  As we approached, we saw that they were fussing with her electric scooter.  After a brief exchange, we discovered we could be of no help.  They had checked the scooter for power before they left their home, but now it would not start.  With disappointment etched on her face, she said, “It looks as if we will need to just go home.”

So, even with all the careful planning, from the moment Jasper and his friend made the decision to venture out on their bikes, they were being courageous and hopeful.  Even the simplest details of weather forecast, packing a lunch, remembering to take breaks, pace setting, and reasonable limits, some unforeseen event could have tripped up his travels. For someone who could triple the distance in those days of pre-ABI, Jasper would have considered these items without much ado. In his new life, they took center stage because they helped to ensure the success of the trip.

Facing the energy drains, the fears of failure, and the challenges of engaging with the general public can keep the disAbled at home. We hide behind our walls of isolation, faces lit by the glow of a computer screen.  Deep within we dig, looking for puzzle pieces of ourselves. What do we look like?  Who are we?  What can we do?

If we refuse to face ourselves, we cannot put the pieces together.  Summoning up the courage, we take each broken piece as if we were archaeologists holding pottery.  Slowly, we are redefined.  Each day, we gather one more piece of who we are.  Courage matures and hope is born.

Finally, we emerge. Some of us scrape off the clay particles and say, “Today, I will venture out. I have hope.”

Catalysts of Hopelessness

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Oil Painting by Rose Wolfe

We all suffer from hopelessness.  Those what’s the point, who really cares, whatever I do won’t matter thoughts can drag you into an Eeyore existence without notice.  One moment, you are making plans and whistling a tune, then, bam, the next moment, you are moping around.

This emotional roller coaster of life begins the moment we enter this world.  Although those with chronic illness have a slew of additional weights (pain, limitation, physical and emotional distress).  If we are not careful to watch what words are floating around in our minds, we can lose hope.  What happens in those moments when we move from hopeful to hopeless?

Recognizing the catalysts of hopelessness could help to alleviate the depression, and maybe, we will move quickly from hopelessness to hopeful.

  1. Some People Are Hope Killers

    You know who they are.  These spewers of hateful messages.  They love to find fault in you and the world  Underlying their crushing message is the motive to oppress you.  Their desire is to keep you contained, controlled, and powerless.  If you can’t avoid them, restrict their influence on you.  Refuse to believe what they say.  Toss their garbage out.

  2. Feelings of Alienation

    Do you feel disconnected, alone, unwanted?  Maybe you are struggling with feeling unworthy of love, care, and support.  These emotions can drive you to withdraw which, in turn, will exacerbate the situation even further.

  3. Having No Goals

    Having a purpose-driven life can keep you from falling into the trap of feeling afloat. Every person has abilities. Often, the tendency to compare one set of unique attributes with another person’s can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Honestly, every person can be a gift to someone else. If you set out every day to encourage, love, and help others, you will find hope. For in the process of reaching others, you are giving them hope. And, hope is contagious. You will catch some for yourself along the way.

  4. Feeling Restricted

    When we feel incapable or unable, we focus on all that we cannot do. This is especially the case for those with limited opportunities due to poverty, learning disabilities, and physical handicaps.  You cannot change many things about your life, but you can change your mindset.  Rather than focus on what you cannot do, focus on what you can do.  And, you will find, you can do a lot.

  5. Feeling Trapped

    This overwhelming sense of doom is one of the strongest drivers to feeling hopeless. If you find yourself facing serious financial problems, life-threatening illness, or chronic illness or pain, hopelessness can settle in for the long term.

The complexities of mind-spirit-body dynamics are often ignored.  We are driven by our beliefs, thoughts, and emotions. Our desire to control our lives can be so strong that we harm ourselves. We hold our opinions too strongly. Our grip on our reality refuses to consider other possibilities. Examining your thoughts and replacing negative conclusions with positive attitudes can be one of the most productive habits you adopt.

Our mind is very powerful, and we ignore the talents of our spirit.  Every thing that you can see, touch, smell, feel is temporary.  Your spirit is waiting to respond to your command.  Let yourself move beyond the physical world.  Take the opportunity to adjust to your new reality.  Don’t cope, hope.

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.  (2 Cor. 4:16)

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Suffering is a Form of Abstinence.

 

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Original oil painting and quote by Rose Wolfe

 

Rituals and pleasures.  The rhythms of life that comfort us.  Firing up my laptop, I grab my cup and take the first sip of the day.  It is a ritual and a pleasure.

Cascading emails pop-up on the screen, and I scan them quickly looking for a missive from my friend, Beth.  She is special to me.  When we first met a few years ago, I liked her immediately.  Even though she is a water person – as in she lives on a lake, has a boat, and I am a land person – as in I live on 10 acres of woods, no boat, we have discovered a commonality of spirit that is deeper than the depth of her lake or the density of my trees.

In 1972, Beth was still a young woman when she developed an older person’s disability, tinnitus.  Without pause, the annoying sensation has grown louder over the years.  Today, it is a shrill referee whistle.  All day long – every day.  Without end.  As if this weren’t enough, Beth now has no normal hearing left and hyperacusis.  All of which makes speech conversation tedious and challenging, but writing is one of her passions.

Because I have myotonic dystrophy, my energy levels are arbitrary and capricious.  Small events for the able-bodied demand that I have the fortitude of the Energizer Bunny.  Often, I make plans only to cancel them owing to the unstoppable leak of energy.

So, we write to one another.  Beth writes when she can, and I do the same. We share intimate, spiritual matters via email. We talk about how our suffering has drawn us into a deeper, inner, soul-searing, heart-clawing reality.  It is a ritual and a pleasure.

Lately, we have been talking about the gift of suffering.  Strange?  How can suffering be a gift?  Are we just two nutcases?  Do we like self-flagellation?  No.  No.  And, no!

Everything that happens to us can be a gift – as in contribution.  However, the gift is only found as we grabble with our pain and misery.  When we suffer, we have an opportunity to grow.  This severe hardship will often bring us crashing to the floor, or wall, or ceiling with frustration, anger, and despair.  Nevertheless, as we patiently wait for the crises to pass, we find a contribution to our character.  A little gift of tenderness towards others.

We are not fooled.  The contribution is withheld until we have tasted the bitter nullification of our previous lives.  Recently, my friend wrote:  “Suffering is a form of abstinence.”  I like this idea.  Not because I like abstinence; rather, there is a profound truth that we, who suffer, are denied.  Abstinence is forced upon us.

What and how we think about these external restraints can have a deleterious  or propitious affect on our character.  Some people claim that suffering will eventually cause hearts to be hardened; yet, others claim that we become more tender.  I think the choice is ours.  Both outcomes are possible.

If we allow the chronic disease, the pain, the tribulation to be the cause of internal bleeding, our lives (our being) will drain away.  Then, our hearts will become necrotic.  We will become the living dead.