It was one of those mornings, Spring shining through the windows. The promise of warm breezes and light jackets. My favorite way to wake up. Smiling, I lifted myself up. Wait, no. Rather than sitting up, I had remained prone. Okay, I’ll try to push a little harder. Nope. That didn’t work. Time and time again, I tried – and I failed. You’ve heard of frogs turning into princes. Well, I guess I had turned into a turtle on its back.
I happen to be married to one of those sweetheart kind of guys. Knowing that if I quietly called to him, he would wake up and eagerly help me. I guess I could say he loves his turtle. Yet, there was no morning urgency to rise. So, instead of waking him up as I had in similar situations in the past, I decided to let him sleep. This old turtle could wait out the time with prayer. Eventually, he stirred and my prince charming turned me into his princess.
The before Rose – the one who existed before a degenerative neuromuscular disease claimed her body – she would not have been given to wait out any situation. She was always having to do, to go, and to act. There are many disadvantages to living trapped in a body that doesn’t work very well, but there are some advantages, too. This morning’s advantage was to let myself be helpless. Rather than thrashing out against an unmovable force, I chose contentment.
It has not been an easy metamorphosis, and I am not changing from an earthbound, crawling bug into something that can fly in the light. My conversion is taking away freedom of movement, incremental, almost indiscernable pieces of my life – my physical life. In its place, I am finding an upside down turtle. My choices are obvious. Do I pull myself into my shell and hide away? Or, do I lie there vulnerable and patient?
Patience and contentment are choices even when my life is not upside down.