Falling Out of Bed

 

Hope-and-Joy
Art Work and Quote by Rose Wolfe

 

What would I do if I lived alone?  It is 5:30 a.m.  Waking, but still asleep.  Nature calling me out of my dreams, I roll over and sit on the side of the bed.  Only I misjudge and end up on the pillowtop edge of the mattress.  Uh oh, I think.  Scrambling as only someone with weak muscle strength can hustle, I try to push myself up.  No point in trying that maneuver; I am going down.

My husband (who sleeps on the cusp of alertness) asks me, “Are you okay?”

“Nope, I’m falling,” I reply as I struggle.

Hustling as someone with real muscle strength can hustle, he is on the side of the bed and holding me.  The comedy of the situation is not lost on me.  My husband moving with the speed of The Flash, and I moving with the sluggishness of The Blob.  Together we aim for a safe landing.  Failure.  I am now at a perilously steep angle.  The Flash is now The Hulk, and he lifts me up.

The Hulk calls out, “Push.  One.  Two.  Three.”

Ah, that magical number, three.  I love it.  Somehow, it is the key to success.  Between his superhero strength and the incantation, I am now sitting firmly on the mattress.  Disaster averted.  The floor will need to wait for another time.

Today’s routine was number four in the last three years.  The odds of fending off winding up on the floor is a 50-50 proposition.  This morning’s event was precariously close to changing the odds in favor of the floor.

Every time I see the neurologist, they inquire into how many times have I fallen since my last visit.  The assumption is that I have fallen.  So, I surmise that falling is a hazard of myotonic dystrophy.  Makes sense.

Now, sometimes falling is a good thing, such as falling in love.  Other times falling is an unpreferred result, such as falling on the floor.  I wonder, could the preposition be the culprit, in as opposed to on?  Probably not.  Just a wondering thought.

All this brings me back to the question, What would I do if I lived alone?  The answer is obvious: You can’t live alone.  Another loss hidden away in the sheets of my life.

I cannot live alone.

We begin life dependent on others for our survival.  All through those years, we yearn to be free, to be independent.  During our years of independence, we make our decisions and determine our fate.  Eventually, and it will happen to all of us, we return to a state of dependence.  We learn, no, more than learn, we are forced to depend on another.  Otherwise, we cannot survive.  It is the final cycle.  And, I have entered it.

Suffering and loss will happen; they cannot be avoided.  If I am willing to be patient in the midst of hardship, I will develop character.  The kind of person who will find joy because hope resides alongside the hardship.                            Rose Wolfe

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Rose Wolfe (Living Free with disAbilities)

Let's get to the elephant first: I have myotonic dystrophy which defines my physical limitations, but it does not define me. Without the distraction of physical activities, I have found my passions: (1) Encouraging others to live more fully with fun, faith, and hope; (2) finding freedom in oil painting; (3) writing about my experiences; and (4) encouraging others to live more passionately. It is my belief that every person lives with at least one disability - for impairments are not limited to those with chronic illnesses. Many neurotypical people are psychological architects who have constructed enclosures in which they trap themselves. Mindsets, attitudes, and perceptions are fluid realities. Many of us have forgotten that it is possible how to live beyond our disabilities. Life may have challenges but faith and hope are within reach. I have made my choice: I am LivingFreeWithdisAbilities.

31 thoughts on “Falling Out of Bed”

  1. Glad you had loving arms to sweep you up again…or about to, and wrote through that. I enjoy that bit sometimes, the fact he likes to actually pick me up and any excuse, or is there to flip the covers on my feet, anything. It is me who fights it sometimes, but I feel secure. Independence was my be all but as you say it isn’t a practical word, an honourable word for sure but we don’t have to be that literal. I have mellowed a lot and do more day to day as I come to terms with things, but I know what I want to be still and can be despite obstacles, and that it applies to everybody. whatever their circumstances.

    Your positive energy is amazing not many people have that today, I find.

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  3. Poignant story. Made me smile and furrow my eyebrows in thought.
    The magical number three…brilliant.
    I pray that you will stay ahead of the floor, and keep falling “in” to the mystery of hope.
    Thanks for sharing!

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  4. Living indendent is a delusion. I didn’t grow all the food I eat. I didn’t build the car I drive. I didn’t… The insight you shared is that once we are past the denial of being able to live independent we experience the joy of relationships. ‘Dependence’ and ‘independence’ are engaged in a mindful dance that enriches the life of each person who moves in step to the rhythm.

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  7. I always try to count my blessings because of my hardships. We don’t really live in patient times, do we? It’s such a fast moving life. I find it hard keeping up with the most basic of things… Through our poor health we are forced to slow down and learn patience.
    My kindest regards to your husband. xo
    Love + Hugs.

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  8. Oh man this hits me. It made me smile and tear up with the open and honest sharing of vulnerability. It is hard for me to describe exactly what I go through and frustrating to try. I couldn’t live alone right now either. For so many reasons this post has hit at the crux of frustrations and feeling less independent in ways, physically, mentally, emotionally… Just going to send hugs and I um, I know it is hard, maybe not all in the same ways… but it is.

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      1. It made me smile and happy that he is there for you as you are for him…just like my partner is there for me and I for her. I keep asking her when she is going to get tired of me and she just says ‘never’

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      2. Never is a good response. I use to wait for the proverbial “other shoe to drop.” Finally, I now believe that it won’t. My husband told me about a dream he had (about a year ago). He dreamt that we were getting married, and I came down the aisle in a wheelchair. He cried when he told this to me. He said he believed that it was his God-ordained purposed to take care of me. Your partner is your God-ordained person.

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  10. I know, it seems the most normal easily achievable thing to be able to get up out of bed to get to a bathroom. Point to you for not landing on the floor. Once down its a challenge to get back up and I don’t have the issues you have. Floor;Nil.

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